Masturbation may be healthy, but it also an excess not needed in your day to day life. Excess I have learned is a sure fire way to lose it all. Right now I’m listening to music an overpriced mp3 player with overpriced headphones while smoking and overpriced cigar, cut using an overpriced cigar cutter. What have these things done for me other than move me further into the American life that is debt? They were totally not needed and I could have lived my life just fine without them. Excessive purchases indeed. Another nasty excess I am realizing in my life is drinking. Sure it tastes good and can lead to a state of euphoria, but it also leads to stupid decisions that many times you have no control over due to the excess. This excess has led me to the closest I’ve ever been to rock bottom. How is that you ask? I excessed Wednesday night and found myself ruining the last shreds of respect the woman I love had for me. I left the bar and went to her house and was a complete drunk in the worst sense. I drunkenly professed myself to her to the point of being the most pathetic individual I have ever fathomed. Now I have essentially no basis to improve with her I’m sure but this does present a chance to fix myself. Is this a stab at telling you all drinking is bad? No. Is this a stab at evaluation the potential cost of excessive drinking? Absolutely. Is this a challenge to myself and potentially you, the reader, to evaluate the excess in life? Absolutely. I am not writing this as a mean for forgiveness, just as a portal into my life and maybe a path to understanding. My life is nearly in shambles and is only held together by the people who never realize it because I am so closeted.
So what does this all mean for Mike Rose? It means that this admission of retardation will be the hopeful start of real self improvement. I’m sure even my fallen comrade and brother in arms would not even recognize me anymore. From here forward I need to be a better man. Does this mean I’ll stop drinking? No, because I have nothing against it. It does mean that irresponsible and reckless excessive drinking will come to a screeching halt. This means that I owe you all a reason to truly respect the man that I am instead of pissing it away. What it will all entail, it being improvement, I could not tell you as this thinking is new and raw for me. It will definitely start with an apology that’s for sure as that is all I can offer. This year started with so much and is ending with only a chance, which I guess is all we can ask for sometimes.
This was and is not a request for pity or comforting but an admission that I need to change. There may come a time when I reach to any one of you to help this, but I understand if it is not possible.
